Friday, January 11, 2008

Post About My Roommate

I just found out that my housing situation is completely fucked for this coming semester.

I live in a 6-person suite. It was suppose to me Roommate, myself, and 4 of our guy friends. Well, 2 of the guy friends decided to not come back, so one of the remaining guys found someone. We had 5 people- A in a double room by himself, D sharing with B, and Roommate sharing with me.
But now A is moving out because they were going to start charging him for a single room. D is moving out because he hates living with B [because B is really creepy once you get down to it]. They put 2 new people into A's room, but those guys didn't want to be in a dorm, so they're not using it.

It's going to be me and the 2 people that I would never have chosen to live with this semester if I had a choice.

Especially Roommate.
I've become less and less enchanted with Roommate the more time I spend in a room with her.
To put it nicely, she's difficult to live with. To put it honestly, she whores herself for negative attention that she uses to give meaning to her life, she abuses herself, she doesn't listen to people trying to help her...I could go on, really.
She blames her personality disorders and depression for her actions. I have a problem with that. Yeah, it sucks that you have these mental issues, but why don't you take your medication? I'm not her doctor, her mother, or her therapist, I shouldn't be held responsible for how she conducts herself.
Since before Thanksgiving break I've just been over her. I put so much of myself into trying to get her out of this ridiculously bad relationship, and she just didn't listen to a fucking word I said. It was basically everyone who cared about her trying to make her see the light and she just didn't give a shit; she let the relationship run its course and ended up feeling horribly depressed and shitty about herself.
...For about a day, when she reconnected with a guy who knows he's lucky to be talking to her. So I've had to put up with having this drooling idiot -and others that she's dragged in- in my room fawning over Roommate's every exhalation.
I more or less decided to wash my hands of her and her issues. I've been making myself scarce in my own damn room because I don't want to have to spend time with her and her many suitors.

Probably the worst thing about this whole situation, meaning living with her from the start, is that it's been doubly hard to make people see me the way I want to be seen this year. Last year I really let myself go. I got a 'reputation' in the first semester of my Freshman year. And at a school as small as mine that's hard to shake.
I've been working to present myself as someone who deserves respect, someone with whom people want to spend more time than a one-night-stand.
But people see me as Roommate's other half. Or really, more as one of her accessories. It sucks, because she still puts herself out there [in a bad way] and she doesn't know or care that what she does reflects on me. It frustrates me to no end when people ask me what 'we're' doing tonight, or coming up at parties when I'm not with her and saying things like 'Where's your partner in crime tonight?'
I will give it to her that she's not as bad as last year, but I attribute that much more to the change in the party scene at school than to anything on her part.
It's really been a struggle for me to NOT hook up with everyone I'm attracted to, but by god I'm making an effort. I've even picked up this embarrassing habit of chastising guys while I'm hooking up with them after a few drinks to 'realize this isn't going to be just tonight' and I've been pushing myself to talk to guys after the initial meeting/hookup is over [although it usually takes major persuasion to get me to text or IM someone, ha]...

The biggest problem is that I just can't communicate any of this to her. She doesn't listen to criticisms, she just hears them and has an answer for everything.
How am I going to survive this semester.

1 comment:

Trixie Firecracker said...

Two Words: Room Change (if you can, that is)