Summer Pies

My favorite holiday, Memorial Day Weekend, starts tomorrow! I offered to help bring some food and was tasked with bringing some kind of dessert. This is preferable to bringing, say, appetizers, since I know they'd want me to make one of these cheesy spinach things and while they are delicious they're super time consuming. However, my mom's been in charge of bringing a sackful of Trader Joe's crap for appetizers on MDW and Christmas for the last like 20 years and wouldn't give it up without a fight.

I decided to go with 2 pies that don't require any oven business and that will (probably) travel well. (Probably because I know the blueberry one is good in the car but I haven't gone further than kitchen to table with the root beer one.) Without further ado:

Easy Peasy Root Beer Pie

1 packet vanilla pudding (original recipe calls for sugar-free, I think it has something to do with how much is in there? I only have my index card version so I forget the WHY but it works so who am I to change it up)
3/4 cup root beer
1/2 cup milk
8 oz Cool Hwhip
1 crumb pie crust. (OR calls for graham cracker, I used shortbread, but after some thought I should have gotten chocolate)

1. Whisk root beer and milk with vanilla pudding mix for 2 minutes in a cold bowl (Btw the liquid is less than what is called for on the side of the box, but you need it to be a lil thicker than usual because of step 2)

2. Fold in half of the Cool Whip. Chop up the clumps but don't stir it too much or you'll liquify the Whip. Pour into pie shell and fridge for a few minutes to firm up slightly before

3. Top with remaining Cool Whip

4. I've been wanting to try this since a read about it in I think Food Network magazine. To create decorative chocolate curls, heat up the edge of a chocolate bar, then shave with a vegetable peeler. Flip it 180 degrees if it starts to get chippy because the side you've been holding will be warmed up. I would not recommend using a Hershey bar because the little rectangles started popping off when I got too close to the score lines and I had to pick them off without messing up the smooth look of the hwhip, BUT I had a coupon for it so that's what I had in the house. End of the day it worked so..

5. Fridge overnight. If it looks a little too runny, stick in in the freezer for like an hour before serving

No-Bake Blueberry Pie

4 cups fresh blueberries (I always forget to write down how much this is in pints/pounds. This time I used 1 and a half 18 oz containers which make a liiiiiiiitle too much)
3/4 cup water
3/4 cup sugar
2-3 Tbsp corn starch
1 tsp lemon juice
1 crumb pie crust, really any flavor will do
 

1. Simmer 3 cups rinsed berries with water for about 5 minutes, until the berries have turn pinkish and start to burst

Also check out my new manicure. The white part makes a chevron, it's cute I think. I did one on the other hand, too

2. Smash the fuck out of the berries. My arm was kind of tired from whisking the pudding in the previous recipe (I was making them at the same time so I had JUST done the whisking, ugh, shut up) so I used my potato masher, but if you're not a little bitch you can do it with the spoon

3. Whisk in sugar. Whisk in corn starch one tablespoon at a time. Sprinkle it around the pan rather than dumping it in to prevent clumping. The amount of cornstarch will change based on how long you let things simmer and how much juice the berries release. This batch took all 3 tablespoons because the berries were 'uuuuuge.

Definitely didn't lick the spoon to test the goo. Definitely.

4. Cook the blueberry goo until it's super-thick. This always takes longer than I think it does, but you want it to get pretty gloppy because it doesn't firm up entirely too much after this step. Once you hit the right consistency, stir in the lemon juice, let cool for like 5 minutes, then pour into shell.

5. Rinse and dry the remaining cup of blueberries. Pick out any that are mushy and look out for teeny stems.

6. Sprinkle them over the filling. I like to poke some of them down in there so that there are whole berries throughout the pie. Fridge until chilled, overnight is best. It's good as-is, but a little whipped cream never hurt anybody.

Just fyi, the filling stains the shit out of towels, so make sure the ones near the stove aren't just decorative before you clean up. Also worth mentioning, this pie filling formula works with pretty much all berries if you're not into blueberries (I'm looking at you, Jess)

Looks good, right? We hit the road tomorrow morning and I'm pumped to see my family, and not just because my older cousin has a bunch of summer hand-me-downs for me.
Happy long weekend everybody!

PS Here is a better pic of the nails.. Note the Dunk's cup because I'm a New England dirtbag and don't go for that fancy Starbucks stuff