And I wouldn't mind having the cash to do things for myself, either. I impulsively bought myself a freakin' soda the other day along with some crap for the house and I'm still trying to decide if that was ok or not.
Not sure if I mentioned it here or not, but I had a filling fall out in last September. It doesn't hurt but -now bear in mind I have no dental training- I'm pretty sure it's not good to have a goddamn hole in your molar.
Other than the impending sense of hopelessness and my ever plummeting self-esteem, things are going okay.
I'm still enjoying planning and making dinner every night, and I've read more in the past few months than I have in the last couple years. I haven't gained back all the weight I lost back in the Spring (I went from over 160 to under 140; I'm now mid 150s), despite being too low-spirited to get off the couch most days.
I'm looking forward to seeing my family for Christmas, but not looking forward to the pageantry of pretending that I have a hopeful outlook re: job searching and then listening to everyone's anecdotes about their neighbor who was out of work for 5 years and now has a great job selling duct tape* or whatever.
Some days my sense of humor gets me through the absurdity of trying to tell strangers I'm good enough at answering the phone that they should pay me to do it by the hour, but other days it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed so I can watch cartoons and lose blueberries in the couch.**
But at least I know that, as ornery as I get, I at least have the eM (we got his honorable discharge certificate in the mail yesterday, that's kind of exciting) and a bunch of semi-anonymous folks on the internet who think I'm not the worst person they know.
Happy Holidays
* True story. My mom knows some lady at work who's niece majored in Sociology like me and now has a "great" corporate job selling duct tape. I used to hear that with the tacit moral being "You can get a real job even though you essentially majored in smoking pot and watching Wife Swap"
**As I write I am watching American Dad on netflix and spilling blueberries all over the couch. Oh, good- I found at least one.
2 comments:
I was unemployed for awhile before finding something and I know exactly how you feel. I would argue that being in a relationship where the other person is successful almost makes it even harder to deal with; when the other person is getting ready to start their day, you are sitting around trying to find a way to keep yourself occupied. I also understand the way in which searching for a job consumes you. It becomes all you can think about and all that you want to accomplish. And then when people ask what you're doing and what you're up to, you have to make light of the situation because you don't want people feeling sorry for you and you don't want people knowing how shitty it is. And you certainly don't want to hear those stories about how you'll find some great job so stop worrying!
I won't tell you that it won't be awhile, but I will say that it's worth the wait. These shitty positions you've had to take, or lack thereof, make finding the job that you will get that much more meaningful and awesome. I know what you're going through sucks and it is stressful, but try to enjoy the free time you have (it really is a blessing, even if all you can think about is how much you need a job), and use it to self-improve. Enhance the skills you currently do have, volunteer, do anything that will keep you busy and feeling good. And when you do get those interviews, it will show. And you'll get that job. Again, I can't promise it will be a job that you love and are super passionate about, but I can say that the next job you get will be an improvement and a stepping stone to where you want to be, even if you're to sure of where that is yet.
Love you girl. Keep that damn fine head of yours up.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday. I love the update sorry about the work situations. I think you should move to Los Angeles, I have an extra room where you can stay.
Your Los Angeles Fan
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