Hi guys!
I can't say how much I appreciate the feedback. It's always such a surprise when I check in here and see encouraging comments or get a facebook message from someone I know in the blogosphere.
Since my last post, I've talked over a few things with the eM that were bothering me. I don't like being bogged down with negative feelings, so when something happens that I disagree with I tend to just ignore it and get over it rather than dwelling on it or dealing with it immediately.
As anyone with feelings can tell you, this doesn't work out very well- sooner or later it bubbles over into a stressed out blog post or a fight with him.
Now, he's the type that, when upset or angry, needs to talk it out completely. The "Never go to bed angry" mindset. This makes our fights worse because when I bring up something that made me mad, he has to unravel it to the very beginning, which leads to a lot of "Why are you even mad about this; that happened months ago."
I don't want to spend my life arguing or defending myself, so I try to let the little things slide. When he gets in his interrogative mode, I feel like he makes me dig up all these minor incidents so that I look unreasonable.
He still treats me well and I'm still generally happy. The major negative feeling in the relationship is annoyance rather than anger or resentment.
Two things thing he does that drives me completely up the wall:
-He'll point out when he doesn't do something he knows I dislike. "Hey, did you notice that I didn't say anything at that car full of drunk girls? Hey, have you noticed I haven't bugged you for sex all weekend? Hey, I did good, I didn't clap and say 'yaayyy' when the waitress brought my food over." For some reason he thinks it's a good idea to remind me of the things he does that annoy me, even when he's not doing them. I don't understand that rationale at all.
-When he apologizes he makes these big speeches lasting several minutes during which I can't say anything. If I say anything he interprets it as me not accepting his apology and he starts up again. I tried to explain that it would be better if he just gave a one line apology and then showed me that he was actually sorry by not doing what he apologized for, but apparently he doesn't want to seem insincere. Which is crazy to me; nothing seems more insincere than apologizing and "I'll never do it again"ing for 20 minutes.
Despite all this, we've been looking at places to move in together.
We've been waiting to hear back from the landlord at an apartment formerly occupied by the eM's uncle. They (the landlords) went away for a 2-week vacation right after we met them so we've just been sitting on our hands waiting to hear from them.
I think that living together will diminish the problems we have. Since we only see each other on weekends and very rare weekdays it's hard to establish a good rhythm. Having him around all the time might encourage me to bring up the little things sooner, since I often don't say anything in order to make like I'm in a good mood and not ruin the weekend. Plus, living closer to where he grew up means having his friends around, which could mean I might be able to make a new friend or two out of their collected wives and girlfriends. I suppose only time will tell.
At any rate it'll be better than my current living situation, since I'm essentially a live-in maid.
I'll keep everyone informed, either here or on one of my other social media outlets.
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3 comments:
you've gotta work out the bugs to see if you truly are compatible. If the little things bother you, talk it out - sometimes, as women, things just bother us for no GOOD reason. That's why everyone thinks we are crazy, when we're not.
I hope moving in together helps - at least you still like him enough to want to!
Not saying "yay" and stuff when my food comes and resisting howling at drunk girls in cars would be tough, but I like to think it would be cute when I do those things.
I try to just be laid back with everything.
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